All women have the ability to put on that face, you know, that irresistible, adorable, puppy-like one? And when they do it, it gets the guy every time (well, almost every time). I know it’s happened to me.

It usually starts when they’d like to do, get, or know something that you’d rather them not. Let’s say she actually found a puppy on the side of the road that she thought was the best looking thing since Smokey Robinson and wanted to keep it. However, you’re not exactly jumping with excitement but after she holds the puppy up to her face and gives you that pouty face, you know it’s all over. My personal favorite is when I find myself in a situation where I know something that she doesn’t and she asks questions with growing curiosity. I’ll tell her very interesting but vague snippets, poke at the real truth here and there, while keeping a relaxed and casual tone. Her solution? Put on the most effective pouty face she can muster and watch me melt, divulging absolutely everything.

So ladies, if you ever burn dinner or need to watch a soap opera in place of his ball game, you know exactly what to do.

Popularity: 8%

I once heard a stand-up comedian give some insight on defending women in public and this is what he said:

“If you’re out with me and a guy smacks you, then you just got smacked. Now, we can talk about it in the car, try to figure out why it happened and see what we can do to prevent it from happening again, but as far as me doing something about it right there and then, I don’t really see that happening.”

And his logic for this was, “If a brother didn’t see anything wrong with punching you in the eye, what makes you think he gives a crap about my eye? Two black eyes don’t equal 20-20 vision, I don’t care what you say.”

As funny and incredulous as that is, it brings up a good point. Even though everyone can fight, some people just aren’t fighters. And even if they were, 90% of the time, it’s not “fair” and will most likely fail to solve the initial problem. Someone will get hurt or maybe even killed.
Personally, I’m getting too old for all those motions, so fighting is not my thing. I don’t know about you, but I smile a lot so maybe that’s why I don’t seem to get into disputes. However, keep in mind that I’m a 6-5 African with implications that I’ve killed lions and tigers! But honestly, I like to stick to words because they take up much less energy and typically do a better job of resolving an issue.

And now, some tips to keeping the peace

1. Ladies: Please wear clothes
   There are grown men out there who, sadly, still don’t have any self control. If you want all hands off, you must first keep all eyes off and the way to do that is to cover up. Depending on where you go, you may have to be extra careful. Don’t put a guy in a situation where he has to fend for you because some guy touched you in an inappropriate manner because you were scantily dressed.
2. Ladies: You’re not untouchable
   Yes, a man shouldn’t hit a woman—but it happens, at home and on the streets. So maybe slapping that dude that made a rude comment is not the smartest thing to do. He could have a big temper and a bigger gun. If he shoots you, then you really just got shot and that will be the end of that. Yes, it’s an extreme example but it illustrates a point. If something is up, let the guy know and he’ll figure out what to do. But take things into your own hands and you will be stuck with just a talk in the car.

3. Gentlemen: Don’t worry, be happy
   There’s no reason to have a mean look of death and destruction on your face anytime you’re out in public surrounded by people who could “pose a threat.” Like Bob Marley said, “Don’t worry, be happy.” You don’t need to put up a front, act tough or worry about what others think of you or the woman that’s with you. Feel comfortable with who you are and chances are, people won’t have anything to settle with you and you won’t rub anyone the wrong way. The world doesn’t need more stone-faced wanna-be gangsters.
4. Gentlemen: Be Smart
   This is to avoid the mistake of getting into fights that can be avoided with a civilized conversation. Not every comment, joke, insult, look or action must be complimented with an equal reaction. Being smart means having self control: the ability to stop, think and ask yourself what the best course of action would be for you, your woman and the other person. Don’t jump into a fight because it “seems” like a fight situation but rather, consider alternatives that will do a better job at resolving the issue.

Popularity: 7%

If you’ve ever been in a classroom where the instructor didn’t care to know if the class got the stuff he was teaching, you’ll know what I mean when I say that good communication has a lot to do with making sure the other person understands what you’re talking about. Of course, there are times when the other person just won’t get it—until, perhaps, you try another approach. And that, my friends, is what makes a good communicator and that, is also the hurdle that a lot of relationships must learn to overcome. Some people won’t understand (or even detect) what you’re trying to communicate (eg. “I Like you,” using vague body language). That doesn’t mean that they’re a bad communicator. If they don’t catch your drift, you should probably try something else. Don’t repeat the same stuff expecting something to appear through the grapevine. The best communicators in the world are typically those who are able to use different approaches so that even the most unattentive are able to understand.

The flip side to this is that the one recieving information has to help the process by: asking questions, reaffirming what has been said and staying until they’re sure they’ve understood things to the best of their ability.

Popularity: 13%

Communication is like a well written book. You can’t put it down once you pick it up. At times, it’s rushed and abrasive and at others, timely and savory. It may be shy and reclusive or outspoken and forthright. It’s often whole and complete, not lacking in depth or transparency. And should you need to thumb through the pages you’ve already visited, it shouldn’t take you long to find what you’re looking for.

All that said, there’s a very important “Medium of communication” that some people need to understand. The following are different media used for communication, their pros (if they have any) and cons.

1. AOL Instant Messenger
   Or anything of the like can’t be used to talk about anything of substance. I’ve seen people talk about hard-boiled issues of their relationship over AIM. Why on earth would they do that? That’s what I said! Over AIM, there’s typically no face for you to look at, which means no expressions, emotions or signs, (which does almost 50% of the “talking” during a face to face meeting), is available to you. This means your conversation will probably take you twice as long to complete (if at all), it’ll be harder to come to a close and one or more persons will become thoroughly unimpressed with the other. Secondly, there’s no tone of voice to tell you how a person intended something. This leaves room for more unintentional offenses. There’s too much of an interval where you can’t tell whether the person is thinking about what you’re saying, or cooking up a reason to say “brb” or “gtg, ttyl.” Use AIM when you need to communicate quickly and what you have to say can’t be taken the wrong way. For example: “Hey, I got your voicemail, let’s do dinner at eight, then.”
2. Text Messages
   This one’s just as bad as AIM. Only, it’s more of a pain to read, it can cost a whole lot of money and can come at the most inconvenient times—like when you’re at a funeral and your special person texts you to say, “It’s over.” Again, use as you would use for AIM or for little harmless “goodnight” messages etc.
3. Email
   Oh boy, this one is just not groovy. Here again, you have the same pitfalls as the two aforementioned media. But with email, it’s so impersonal, you’d be best off limiting this one to your work world. How would you feel if you got an email at 1:30 from the person you were seeing that looked like the unabridged version of Moby Dick? OR maybe all your communication happened in the cyberworld? Probably not too happy, I’m sure. There’s also too much of a time lapse between responses with email that it’s just not a good idea. Not everyone has internet, you know!
4. Letters
   Ahh, this one is interesting. I would say that if you’re experiencing uptime in this relationship and you’d like to send a thoughtful, rather traditional method of expressing your affection, this isn’t a bad way to do it. However, don’t use it to detail a sack of problems or pop the big question. Why be so roundabout? If you don’t feel comfortable enough around this person to talk face to face about your issues, something needs to change.
5. Phone
   The telephone does things a little better. There’s the element of hearing introduced here which helps with tone, feeling and other indicators that give you a more vivid picture of what you’re up against. I’ll put it this way–I’ll talk on the phone if I can’t see you face-to-face right then and there. But there are still general exceptions (like breakups) that just need to be a face-to-face thing if at all possible.
6. Face-to-Face
   The great thing about face-to-face interactions is that you don’t have to read! Yay! Well, except “reading” their expressions but you get the picture. What’s also wonderful is that you get to see a pleasant (or sometimes, not so pleasant) face, but a face nonetheless. You can tell when that person is shy, upset, angry, embarrassed, nervous, happy, sad and all the rest of it, without them uttering a word. So many external factors could also help you. Take smell for instance. Your chances at that first date could be enhanced because she smells a killer scent on you. Or maybe you think that girl is not your type until you hear her voice flow from her lips and it sends you to an exotic island for 5 minutes straight. It’s the richest medium of communication but so many times, people want to be as broke as AIM will make them.

Popularity: 9%

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want the first thing I notice about a girl to be her body. Neither do I want her to notice my body at first. As clichéd as this might sound, I’m the kind of guy that wants to meet a girl as regular as she’s willing to come, get to know her and then enjoy her other features later, as we learn more about each other. The beauty of the body shines through when you like them for the right reasons. Otherwise, when looks is the first thing you’re attracted to, it might mean it’ll be one of the strongest reasons for your attraction, which could lead to some problems later.

I don’t really see what all the fuss is about. If you don’t like my body, great! After all, this body will get scarred, bruised, wrinkled, diseased while also putting out all kinds of disgusting waste. Heck, I don’t even like it that much. So why are you paying so much attention to it? I mean, when you’re a baby, you’re universally cute. I don’t think many people would argue that but it’s all downhill from there. If instead you go for their insides, you grab hold of something that is likely to stay good and even get better over the long haul. Humor, personality, charm, character are elements that’ll age like good wine and the body, like rotten cheese (some much faster than others).

Popularity: 12%