So you’ve finally mustered up enough courage to approach that particular young lady and you’ve even managed to get a conversation underway. Okay, so what now? Well, do you know what a runner hates more than not being able to run? It’s having to stop or slow down in any way, shape or form while running. Whether it’s a traffic light or just some uncoordinated pedestrian who can’t walk in a straight line to save their life. That said:

Let’s go through some principles:

1. Let her thoughts marinate

   Have you ever had someone finish your sentences for you? Or interject midway through your story? Or maybe you’ve had someone who didn’t stop out of courtesy when you both start speaking at the same time. Yea, it sucks doesn’t it? Well, don’t do this to women. It’ll suck a hundredfold. Allow time for their thoughts to marinate and don’t assume that a pause is in the conversation is an opportunity for you to open your mouth—because it’s not.

2. If you can’t listen, don’t talk
   This goes without saying. When you’re talking to a girl (and by talking, I mean listening), do try to pay attention to what she’s saying. Not so you can give advice, but so you know what the heck she’s talking about! Sounds like reason enough? I think so! If you can’t do that, then don’t let your mouth run-off like bad tap water. You’ll be glad to know that you’re not required to memorize things because I think that actually takes away from the listening part. If she freaks out later because you couldn’t remember some obscure detail, tell her she’s smoking crack and she should chill out. Also, you can have a conversation without actually saying a word. Yea it’s funny how that happens sometimes, they could be some of the best “conversations” you ever have.
3. Easy with the advice

   You know what’s worse than getting bad advice? Getting bad advice from someone who doesn’t even “know you like that’. For some reason, guys feel they have a duty to fix things because logic seems to suggest it as the obvious solution (or problem). In-fact, it’s so obvious, they’ll ignore principle number one, just to tell you! When it is very likely that you have no idea. And even if you know the right answer, it may not be helpful for you to say it. Sometimes, we human beings just want to get our thoughts into words. Talking to other people forces us to organize those thoughts properly—otherwise, we’d talk to the wall all day because it can’t call us out on our gibberish. We can’t really talk to ourselves because that’s “weird”. But often you’ll hear someone say they’d rather talk to a brick wall and the reason is that brick walls (as opposed to to other types of walls) won’t jump into her conversation to start beating her over the head about what it thinks she should do.

4. Going in deep
   When you get into a series of conversations with somebody, you realize that everyone has problems. It’s the thing that runs in the background underneath the “How are you?: I’m fine,” of everyday life. And though two people can go through similar situations, each person is unique and every similar problem can generate a wildly different result. If that weren’t the case, we’d be acids and bases, where every reaction was highly predictable. This is why principle #3 probably holds. This process is essentially what makes a good conversation (because it’s usually the foundation of good friendships). Don’t be so insensitive as to make the woman think you’re incapable of having such a conversation. Yea, they like to laugh but everyone at some point needs to get beyond the surface. Otherwise, there’s not too much separating you from the guy who just walked by. Be chill when you need to be but also know when you need to put on goggles to dive into deeper waters.

In closing, what a runner really likes is someone who can run with them. Someone who can keep their pace. Someone who doesn’t criticize how they run or how they look doing it. Someone who doesn’t think they’re a better runner than they are. Someone who can offer much needed companionship by silently running at their side, noticing a change of pace or direction and acting accordingly.

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If you’re a guy who’s ever been remotely attracted to women, then you’ve probably experienced some difficulties trying to approach them from time to time. You’ve also probably bombed it a couple of times. It’s quite a task for a lot of fellas but really doesn’t need to be. And no, using remarkably thoughtful pick-up lines like, “Hey…somebody farted, let’s get out of here,” just won’t cut it.

So let’s say you’re trying to get going here but you’re wondering how to go about it. Well, everyone’s different so I don’t have a straight answer for you. However, the following observations are here to help. The reason they may look like a big list of no-no’s, is because everyone is different and it’s easier to tell everyone what to avoid rather than to put very different people in boxes. One size doesn’t fit all.

1. Be comfortable
   This is the most important thing I can attribute to successful interactions with females (and society at large). The key component to this starts with you. You need to be comfortable with you. If you’re comfortable going to class right out of bed then don’t let a woman’s opinion get you worried. If you’re comfortable not being the super-macho guy society seems to idolize, then don’t let the guys change you. Cause if you’re not comfortable with yourself, it’ll be hard finding someone who is. The next part, making the girl feel comfortable, should happen quite naturally unless you completely mess up the next four observations. If you get this one down, you’re pretty much good to go. It’s realizing what causes things to be unnecessarily or painfully awkward that’s usually the problem and that’s what you’ll learn about below.
2. Humility helps
   This is best explained with an example:
   If she says you’re a great guitarist, smile and tell her that you don’t know what she’s talking about. Naturally, this will cause her to crack a little smile and she’ll see that you’re not all about yourself. After all, how can you be? You’ve known yourself your whole life…sheeesh! Ok, then what if she asks you how long you’ve been playing? Look at her like you haven’t a care in the world and playfully say “Oh, who knows?” She may actually chuckle a second time and there’s where you turn the topic of conversation to her. Here, your humility would’ve helped you achieve observation #1 - Being Comfortable. So even if you know that you deserve a compliment, that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to receive it with a “Yea, I know. thanks.”
3. No motives
   When I interact with females, I usually don’t have any intentions as far as the “I-want-to-date-you” desire is concerned. I don’t start conversations because I want a girlfriend nor do I start them because I want to go out on a date with someone. That’s kinda shallow if you ask me. I start conversations because the other person is a living, breathing, human-being and that’s reason enough to want to talk to them. Yea, sure, I have “innocent” reasons for talking to people (and they could be decent conversation starters) like asking you whether you’re going to grab that last slice of pizza because I’m hungry, but apart from that, I am free to walk to and from conversations without hassle of trying to impress anyone or get a “relationship” started. There’s no stress of thinking “Ratsicles! She doesn’t like me….I want to stab myself.”
4. No pickup lines
   The only thing you’ll pick-up with these is a death glare, a dirty slap and maybe, if you’re lucky, some mace to the face. Sure, you might think that your pick-up line is different, unlike all the others, we’ll even go as far as saying it’s funny (Hah!) , but until you’ve been inside a woman’s head, just say no to pick-up lines. The only exception I can think of is………no, no. No exceptions. Just say no!
5. No Names, No Numbers
   No names? No numbers? Okay, what’s all this about? Well, the logic behind this is that you can have a wonderful time with someone without bringing in what I call “Nosy-Posies.” That is–questions that are not necessary for you to enjoy the person you’re with at the time. Using them could come off as a premature desire for personal information and quite possibly as stalkerish or desperate. Do you need to know their name? Heck, you may not even be able to pronounce it let alone remember it, when next you meet. However, if she introduces herself first, that’s all good and gravy. Her number? Look at rule number one. Asking for someone’s number on an acquaintance level is rarely ever greeted with, “Gosh, this isn’t awkward.” Like I said, staying away from nosy-posies is a good thing. Think about it, the next time you meet, you’ll remember each other’s faces and it will be a pleasant experience welcomed with a smile and a “Hey, I remember you! I don’t think we got each others names…” This way, no one comes off as desperate or sketch and everything is au naturale!

In the next edition, I’ll talk about things like….umm….listening to the person you’re talking to? Yea, sounds good.

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